Nya Dukowitz, 2016 Level 2, Second Place

Dear Mr. Jay Asher,

It may be fate or it may be luck, but I am rescued. Your book, Mr. Asher, rescued me in more than one way: sanity, self-worth, and even my life. My life was going down an icy slide with some rocks creating high parts to deceive me. But once my life finally seemed put together and going decent, I would drop to a low, dark place. Hannah Baker’s devastating story made me feel as if Clay was my best friend, listening to the tapes alongside him. Every detail and every action would make me visualize everything. Hannah may be just a character in this book, but to me she is a reflection of myself.

From the beginning, your book Thirteen Reasons Why made me rethink every word that came out of my mouth. All of my actions did not only affect me, but my peers as well. My thoughts and hers are alike. Oddly, I have also questioned the thought of myself not being on this earth anymore. It has not been serious, but the question did come up.

I have learned just as Hannah did, that most scars we cannot possibly see with the naked human eye, for they exist branded into our brains. Whether it was a song, or maybe a picture, maybe a specific person that brought up the horrid memory, the thought had the same effect. I get sick to my stomach reliving all of the cases I have tried asking for help, but never received. Sadness filled me as I began feeling empty. My eyes began looking empty, but no one bothered to care. I needed someone to care. As Hannah said, she just wanted someone to show her that they cared. Even a simple, “Are you okay?” Thank you for showing me that a mystery person sincerely cares, even if it is not shown.

One cassette tape after another, page after page that began to flip in a pattern like the waves crash on the shoreline, more intrigued in your book I became.

Being the new kid isn’t simple. The pressure to impress all of the girls that looked at me weird or the boys that asked me what my name is, was extremely stressful. Hannah was one of the three new freshmen at her school in Cresmont. Unlike her, I was only a seventh grader when I was an unrecognized face in the midst of every child. Hannah and I alike both faced the cruelty and judgment of so many unfamiliar people. The over exaggerated truth, the rumors, all of the
judgment about us was being made without ever bothering to ask if it was the truth. Like Hannah, I had lost the only “friends” I had made. The two people I trusted the most betrayed me. Alex and Jessica chose to believe some made up rumor, over what they knew to be true. Best friends really can break hearts more than a significant other can. Then eventually, become an enemy.

Throughout your book, the more I became conscious that I was not the only one who grew up this way. If a character in a book was like me, how many other kids were facing the struggles I was faced with? We were faced with juggling depression and trying to heal the loneliness in our souls, but finding no permanent cure. You, sir, helped me believe in myself, to look a little longer until I found something beautiful about myself. I thank you every day for that, Mr. Asher.

Hannah is a character any teenage girl can relate to. She had a personality that was not outspoken, but more of a low-key personality, like my own. She has an eye for beautiful poetry and is a phenomenal writer. Most times, I would pretend I was happy and that was something I was very good at. No one would even question how I was feeling, whether I was actually feel down or optimistic. This was placing a mask over my true colors, which were not ugly at all, but I was still insecure about them. This so called mask was not the kind that the girls that bullied me wore. For, my mask was to cover up sadness. Again, like Hannah both broken hearts and blues we faced.

If Hannah had your book to read, Mr. Asher, she would surely still be alive. I believe that is not your message to portray in this wonderful/tragic book of yours. Although I don’t know why or how you thought of the idea for this book, it has helped ease the weight that I did carry on my shoulders. I cannot be the only one this way. Despite the fact that I have felt alone for such a long period of time. Your book made me feel the love I was missing.

Why else would I still be here if I did not belong‘? All of the toxic people had to be wrong. This balancing act we call life is a struggle. Like walking a tightrope, we get one, and only one chance at it. Hannah and I were oddities, or so they thought. Stunning personalities, but people that were too afraid to speak up because of our “reputations.”

So, I continue to thank you for writing this book, for I have finally found myself. I’ve begun to have a different perspective about life. You assisted me to learn that the non-perfect features about myself are indeed beautiful. Thank you, Mr. Asher, for giving me hope to carry on, even though I cried throughout your book.

Yours sincerely,

Nya Dukowitz